new favourite insults:
- absolute bagel
- useless paperclip
- first bread slice
- yellow marker that was used to colour over something dark and now colours a really distressing muddy yellowish-brown
- tangled headphone cord
- ketchup pre-cum
what if childbirth is just the pain of the 9 periods you missed
and all this time i thought it was the baby ripping through your vagina
so this is their grave, right? dean, sam, and castiel were buried here. somewhere on bobby’s property. damn angel made a tree when he died.
There’s an abandoned field round these parts. Maybe you’ve heard of it? This drunk used to run a salvage yard outta there, some guy named Singer. Never met the man myself, but my father says he went crazy after he killed his wife, rambling about ghosts and demons. I don’t think anyone even cared when he died. When I was fourteen, me and my friends decided to check the place out. Folks around here say it’s haunted, but we didn’t buy into all that. My dad had already been, says there was nothing to see, but we had to check it out. We didn’t find any ghosts or monsters, or anything else really out of the ordinary. Mostly, there were just scraps of metal, cars that never got repaired. We were on our way out when we saw it. This old, black car was parked in the middle of a field with Kansas plates, and a tree had shot up through the hood. Now, my dad never said nothing about a tree growin up through no car, and a tree that size don’t just shoot up overnight. We ran, told everyone, but no one believed us. Said, that tree had probably been like that for years. Finally, we talked to some old woman, claimed she used to be the sheriff around these parts. She told me the day the car came to park there was the day three boys died and saved the world. She said one of em was an angel and the other two were brothers and they stopped something called a Leviathan from ‘eating the world.’ Her words, not mine. We thought she was insane, and we didn’t think much on it until a couple a years ago. Now, my kids had been up there, my grandkids when they got old enough, and it was fine, none of em thinking anything was wrong with the place. I was walking with my daughter’s baby girl, she couldn’ta been more than five at the time, and we passed the tree. She tugged at my hand, said, “Gran,” and she’s smiling the biggest smile I ever saw. I said, “What, baby girl?” And she asks if I see them. I shake my head. She says, “Sam, Dean, and Cas. They’re sleeping now, Gran. They were so tired.” Needless to say, I got us out of there pretty quick, but I’ll never forget what she said. She draws them sometimes. One’s really freakin’ tall with too long hair. The other kinda reminds me of James Dean, and the last one. She says he’s an angel, and I just wanna know what kinda angel parades around in a dirty trench coat. She says they were heroes, and I think maybe that old sheriff I met when I was kid wasn’t so crazy after all.
JUST LEAVE ME HERE TO DIE
*how to spawn demons: a beginner’s guide to chemistry
I don’t know if I should cry or cry
have you tried crying
Little Harry’s face is like “I don’t know if this is going to be as fun and whimsical as it seems…”
And then grown-up Harry’s just like “I fucking knew it.”
cool tricks to share with your kids
According to the Internet, this is what Europeans think breakfast in America is like.
Are you implying that it isn’t
there are probably more lost bobby pins than there are people in this world
Don’t tell me. We’re about to go over a huge waterfall
sharp rocks at the bottom?
bring it on
OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE
THEIR SLOGAN IS “STRONGER THAN GREASE”
AND I WAS LIKE OKAY YEAH MAKES SENSE FOR A DISH SOAP- WAIT
AJAX WAS A GREEK SOLDIER RENOWNED FOR HIS STRENGTH
AJAX IS STRONGER THAN ALL OF GREECE
someone who worked at ajax has literally waited 66 years for you to get this
Ajax the Greater waited godamned 5000 years to get that recognition.